Fall Fun...Err, Just Fall

Yes, it is fall. And I am back. I was going to delete this blog, but I have found it to be a fun little blue place in which I can be myself; the good, the bad and the ugly (more bad than good and more good than ugly).

It's funny how I was waiting for Fall, and here it is, and I'm too busy to enjoy it. I don't bake my neighbors cookies anymore, I haven't visited Grandma Loyal since MAY, and I owe Mr. David down the street dinner and a card game in front of the fire. (I love old people, they're much more interesting that people my age!)

So far this fall I made friends with a man who doused himself in gasoline and was ready to light himself on fire, I've completed 7 full weeks of school (did you know that Venus is the only planet that spins backwards?), I've gained 8 pounds (I just couldn't say no to the entire bag of miniature Reeses Peanutbutter Cups....and the New Yorker Ben&Jerry's ice cream...and the chocolate truffle cheesecake), and I'm just starting to get over the flu, which I've had for nearly 10 days now. Yes, I'm making progress, aren't I?

I'm tired, the house is not spotless, I just cut out 20 cardboard hammers, pliers and screwdrivers, I need to practice my speech for the Women's Tea and it's a full moon. Am I the only crazy person who can't sleep during a full moon? Well, I know I'm not, thanks to my good friend Google, but I'm the only in-the-flesh person I know who can't. So, I may as well talk to myself rather than lay in bed tossing and turning for another 3 hours.

Oh, know what happened today? I got to witness a semi take the front end off David and Mary's Chevy 4X4 (yes, it was a pretty silver truck--w a s). I was dropping the hubby off at Freightliner, across the street from Flying J, and as I was headed to get back on the highway I heard this loud "POP!" and saw debris flying allover the road with a semi right behind it. I looked at the hit vehicle and thought to myself "am I an accident magnet or what?" (I am getting rather skilled at filling out police reports, a highly admirable skill, you know.)

I immedietley pulled over (the man holding the "look at me, I can't get a real job, but I have money to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee while holding a cardboard sign" thought I was stopping for him. Nuh-uh.) and saw fluid leaking out from under the hit vehicle. I ran over to the truck, hoping I wouldn't see anything that would make my lunch come back up. The cab was filling with smoke and the two occupants were sitting there, snug against their air bags, looking rather dazed. I had to pry open the door to even talk to the passenger, a lady in her mid 60's.

Using my Professional Mother skills, I told the people to get out of the truck (I was afraid they were going to get hit again, since they were hanging out in the road). I assessed the situation, started barking out orders and really didn't see how the stinky smoke inside the cab was good for their lungs. Since I'm the last person in the world to not own a cell phone, I asked if they had one, then used it to call 911.

Ya know, I have a reoccuring nightmare every so often where someone is in the house, some tresspasser. I call 911 and can't get through, the line's busy. When I do get through, I get put on hold. Well that almost happened. After about 9 rings, some 911 operator answers THEN I get put on hold. Only in Idaho!

Anyway, I did what I could to take care of the old couple (sometimes a hug gives more comfort than a thousand fluffy words), waited around for the officers, filled out a police report, gave Mary and Dave my phone number (they were from out of town and I wanted to make sure they could contact someone local if need be) and came home. And to think...I didn't even wear my lucky red underwear or cape today. (Not that I would wear a cape--I have watched The Incredibles, ya know!)

After the Jason incident last month (the man who tried to light himself on fire, but I just happened to be there to stop him) and this incident today, I'm wondering what November or December will bring. Maybe I'd just happen to be around when Santa looses a reindeer or Mr. Turkey runs out in the road. Yes, Domestic Goddess to the rescue!

Oh, did I tell you (of course I didn't since I am infact {which is technically two words and not one} talking to myself) that my camera is smashed? Yes, yes it is. Out it tumbled from the back of the Burb, onto the cold, hard asphalt. No more camera. I needed to upgrade anyway...I'm just hoping that I'll be able to get away with not doing photography for a little bit. I've really scaled back anyway, but there are still some people who always call this time of year.

Infact (didn't we already have this discussion about the word infact?), I had one unfavorable customer call and ask if I'd do their family photos again this year. I've never been SO delighted that my camera was broken! This is why I'm not good at business--I like to do things my way. And if you're unpleasant to work worth, I don't want to work with you!!! Not exactly a super-hitter business slogan, is it?

Okey dokey, time for me to go change the laundry. That's right, people, the Domestic Goddess never slumbers; she's on call 24 hours a day (whether she likes it or not). I mean, who needs an alarm clock when a 5 year old can wake you up in the wee hours of the morning saying, "Mom, Mom! I found a stink beetle on my bedroom floor! Come see! Mom, Mom!" (If any of you need an alarm clock, I do have a jar of beetles and a 5 year old that gets up at the crack of dawn.)

And you thought domestic life was for wimps, aye? I'd like to see you do my job...