Peonies Are For Pansies

I don't get it. What's with these sissy flowers that bloom then go away for the rest of the season? Hasn't anyone heard the motto: Form with Function? (I'll give you a tee-shirt, I've got some extras). Peonies smell good, but what other than that? They droop because their blooms are so large, they attrack ants like a melted popsicle on a hot sidewalk, and they bloom once, leaving the rest of the summer colorless.

I'm irritated.

And the peonies, well, they're really getting on my nerves!

Obviously there's been too much pulp in my juices and I've re-awakened my digestive system which only has one thing to say: FEED ME. Ahhhhhh. Hitting my head on a brick wall is starting to seem like a good idea; anything to take my mind of off the "f" word; the word I lust after and would just about do anything for: food. F. O. O. D.

The fresh strawberries on the kitchen counter are driving me nuts. I've still got my eye on that sandwich wrap and Garibaldi's calls to me like a lover in the night.

Did I mention that I'm rather irritable today? Sometimes I'd really like a free pass to be irresponsible. Why do I have to be so darn driven? I've tried to be more irresponsible, I just can't do it. I wouldn't say it's harder than not eating for 8 stinkin' days, but it just...just rubbed me the wrong way.

Stupid peonies. All bloomed out in the backyard, looking so happy and healthy and...fed. Like they're not even hungry.

Well, it's true folks, the flesh is fickle and I'm a perfect example right now. Miss Family Values would like nothing more than to smash something in a fit of rage. Feed me. Or to light something on fire and watch it burn. Feed me. Or to run something over with my big ol' 'Burb....wait, that's kinda gross, nevermind.

Speaking of gross and being run over, there was this huge water snake in the Costco parking lot today, which someone ran over. I took the kids over to see it as it was trying to find a hiding place in the shrubbery. It ws the largest and longest water snake I've ever seen. I'm not good at guestimating, but it was at least a yard long. Probably a yard and a half, possibly 2? And it was a fatty, too.

Just so some little prissy city girl didn't have a heart attack on the spot and wet her pants in the process, I told the person at the front door (the card checker, ya know--ohh, ahh, what an exciting job) about the snake. Hopefully someone did something humane to it....like, took it out for lunch and knit it a sweater. (Can you tell I'm not much for PETA?)

Can you tell I'm just a tad bit irritated? And I think I've got a boil. Big, red, painful. Remind me, why am I doing this again?

Yesterday was such a breeze. Infact (which is, of course, two words and not one), yesterday I spent almost 7 hours in the kitchen. I made like 8 pizzas (that was a lot of dough), a chocolate trifle, manicotti, stuffed shells, spaghetti, snacks for the growing number of children that populate my house and then, of course, dinner. Can I say that the fresh corn on the cob made me salivate like one of Pavlov's dogs?

And then there's today. Maybe I can look at the bright side of something. Like....like...like the scale says I'm down 11 pounds. Of course that's not really something to celebrate, though, becuase at least 3-4 pounds of that is simply water weight and the rest is body fat, which, if I'm not careful when I eat again will come back in double time.

Well, my little friend Dell hasn't been feeling well. It was quite the rumble just to get him to turn on for me. I need to back up all my files before I start losing things--better start with the pictures.

Time to go change the sprinkler and hunt for some more weeds. Then there's the laundry and the gerneral maintenance. Same ol' same ol'. I could really use a vacation....I don't really care where. Just somewhere.

Over and out.