Ugh

I am soo tired.

(Which is, naturally, why I'm blogging. Forget refreshing wit and upbeat memoirs, this blog is just about the leftovers!)

I feel like my brain space is overfilled. I lay down to sleep at night, and all the problems from Abraham to Ceaser start to flow through my brain like I've plugged myself in to some thinking machine with no off switch. Will I sleep tonight? That, my dear Watson, is the question.

I ate like a little piggy today. And I'd just like to say, "I HAD PANDA EXPRESS FOR DINNER!" (Can you see me doing the victory dance?) That's right, all the way from Boise to my kitchen counter. Oh, yum, yum, yum. I've fallen in love. People may think you can't love chow mein noodles and peppered black chicken, but I will prove them wrong; it is completely possible. Unfortunately, I'm still not feeling well or my stomach has shrunk (or both) becuase I was barely able to eat the kid-sized plate that I filled with food. My 6 year old son ate more than me! What's up with that? I'm losing my touch at being a big eater. Shame, shame, shame.

I can't beleive it's only 7:30 in the evening. It feels like it should be 11PM. I'm just counting down the minutes until I can (legally) put the children in bed, then crawl into my pre-warmed bed with that running magazine I have yet to finish devouring....Did you know that reading an article about running shoes could be fun? It can! I was surprised to find this out myself, but it is, indeed, true. It takes real talent to turn an assignment about running shoes into an I-simply-can't-put-this-magazine-down! article. Bravo to you, Mr. Whoever that wrote about the running shoes. Oh, I so enjoy good wit.

On a totally random note, you know those nasty pickles at the movie theatres that look like they're fermenting in formaldahyde and make you shudder and think, "Who in the WORLD would eat that pickle? IT must have been there for 203 years, sitting in that little platic bag, fermenting. Gorss!!!" Well, I've eaten two of them. And I enjoyed them. Yes, e n j o y e d them. I'm so ahamed. Please forigve me. I'll never do it again. (Boy, am I glad I got that off my chest!)

I started the laundrty at 7:45 this morning, and guess what? (Tell her what she's won, Ronnie!) That's right! I'm just finishing up my last load right now. Aren't you simply amazed? That's a full 12 hours of doing laundry. I know, I know, your jaw is agape and your mind is spinning with the question, "How, oh how, does she have the stamina to conquer such amazing feats?" Must I remind you that I am Domestic Goddess, queen of the wild frontier and lover of foreign chocolate? (Hey brother, bring me back some of that German chocolate!!!) That's right, a full 12 hours of laundry will not stop Domestic Goddess! She works out every day to keep up her stamina to tackle mountains of laundry, to run faster than the children she must chase; she works out her biceps to handle the load of two ton shopping bags, and broadens her shoulders for intimidation factors for when she has another slap-down at the local swimming pool. (Did I ever tell you about that? Let's suffice it to say that I was ready to bust a nail giving a smack-talking too-big-for-her-shoes mother a "cowgirl" education last July. She's just lucky she was pregnant...)

That's right. You mess with my kids, you get momma bear. I've been told that I naturally intimidate people, so to piss me off is a whole 'nother ball of wax! Good thing it doesn't happen too often. The wax thing, that is.

Oh look, here's my fortune from my fortune cookie (and upholding the holy tradition that my brother taught me many moons ago, I must say "in the bedroom" after the fortune is read). Here it goes: "You are a deep thinker (true) with a knack for problem solving (true) in the bedroom." You heard it here first, folks! No wonder I can't sleep at night...I'm too busy solving bedroom problems. Oh, I'm so glad I got this fortune cookie. Just think, all those sleepless nights summed up by the Panda Express. Amazing, truly amazing.

Yippee! It's bed time. Or, at least, I am using my incredible and much coveted parental powers to over rule any "but Mom's" and will delegate children to their beds. I've heard that a 5th of vodka puts kids out cold. Think it's worth a shot? No pun intended....wah ha ha ha haaa.

Goodnight, self.

Goodnight to you.

Goodnight.