People Suck!

That's right. Some people just plain old suck. And I'm a sucker for people who suck. I always seem to look beyond what they are on the surface, to what they can be underneath. Most of the time this sort of insight is helpful, most of the time it's wonderful to have a kind heart. But sometimes it's not. Sometimes, it really sucks!

But it's got me to thinking about life, and how we invest ourselves into things or people or hobbies that we believe will return to us some sort of profit. We invest our money, hoping to reap a return; we invest in our hobbies, as they make us feel good. Then there's people (who can really suck, in case you missed that earlier) who we invest in...people have the potential to be the best or the worst investment...sometimes the best or worst investment of a lifetime.

Which brings me to the thought that one should only invest in things that will last. And what will last? Well, faith, hope and love, right? When all else fails, these things always remain. Think about that for a minute. Think about the strongest building you know of, or the biggest Redwood you've ever seen, or the largest piece of machinery. Think about it and know that faith, hope, and love are stronger than your item; they, priceless and yet to be patented, will remain. Or so the Good Book says. Yet, as much as I'd like to throw faith, hope and love out the window right now, I do know, from previous painful experiences (I have several to choose from, just pick a topic), that it is true. It is a fact. It is as real as the very beating of my blood-pumping heart.

Anyway, pertaining to people, it would only make sense that one would invest in another with love, as not to be burned. For if you do something out of a love that asks, expects, nothing in return, then you have nothing to lose but love--which you can't lose because you freely give it away. But then one must ask, "what is love?" for it is such a relative word in our English language. I think of "love" as being an unconditional, I love you for who you are, not for what you do, type of grace-filled, life-giving substance. For, if you love someone simply for who they are, there is great freedom in that love; for the one being loved and for the one who loves. There's a real purity and simplicity about it. But, if you love someone based on what they do for you, how they make you feel, or what they bring into your life, then it is only but a matter of time before your love runs cold; this is the difference between a commitment and a contract. I call this selfish love, because, it really is, ultimately, all about one person: you. I know most people don't share my view. Perhaps some say my definition is too old-fashioned, too risky. But I counter, the greater the risk, the greater the reward. For, if I'm going to love, I'm going to throw all of me in; not just dip a toe into the water. I'll take radical love and deep loss over apathetic love and little gain any day of the week. (And yes, I seem to love being in a constant state of pain.)

But what does the world know of love other than what Hollywood has shown them?

Of course, that's just me. The person who "gives too much of herself to others."

I'm tired. (Gee, that's odd.) And I need to take a quick shower, as my delightful kick-butt workout at the gym tonight has left me salty and sticky (how attractive!). I'd forgotten how I do enjoy my Friday night workouts, as I haven't had one in the longest while. I don't know any of the Friday night people, so I can blissfully crank up my music, sweat and grunt, and push myself to the limit without a single interruption. And the next time another guy interrupts my precious routine to hit on me, I'm going to look him square in the eye and say, "You see these biceps? I'm butch, baby, but the anorexic girl on the elliptical looks to be your type." Then I'll go back to pumping my iron and smile my crooked little smile, chuckling inside in the place where I can laugh without ever being heard.

Now, time to hit the showers.

And no, I don't really 'play softball.'

Let's get that straight right here and now.

And yes: people suck!