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Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness is its poison.
Lord Chesterfield

I'm being poisoned.

In a real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Actually, it's 3:30AM--he was off by half an hour.

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Get me off this long, black train!

"Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to get used by you." - Marilyn Manson

I'm the former of the two. Always. I must be mentally handicapped.

" The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in. " - Incubus

A roller coaster is a mild metaphor to the ride I'm on.




I'm beginning to hate happy people. Not hate; despise. At least for the moment. Have you ever seen the movie Limminey Snickets: A Series of Unfortunate Events? I love the way it starts out, with happy elves, butterflies and bunnies, gay little music. Then it winds down and says something akin to, "If you want a happy movie, then this is not the movie for you..." And the sad, depressing movie with the children who have lost their parents and are time and again hunted down by a madman who wants to kill them to reach the family fortune begins (and Jim Carey does such a wonderful job!).

And that is much how this blog is. If you want a happy blog, then go somewhere else. If you're looking for sweet little Mrs. B, she's been temporarily replaced by a non-cookie baking, smack talk-walkin', hermit-to-the-max, I can kill you with one look, dirty apron wearing woman. You want soft and fuzzy, go to the petting zoo or put on your slippers. You want real and raw, you're in the right place.

I don't like fake people. Never have. So, you see, that's why I enjoy my own company. I'm just real and raw and yes, I do try to control myself, though sometimes that's easier said than done.

I'm tired. If Pissed Off was a river, I'd be floating it. If Raw Nerve was a city, I'd be the mayor. If Rabid Dog was a delicacey, I'd be serving it. And if Frustrated was a lipstick, I'd be Mary Kay.

You got that, y'all?

Ding dong.

(Door Opens)

Why hello, my name's ___________ and I'd like to show you some Mary Kay samples. Oh, you don't have time right now? Well, that's too bad, cuz I'm here and you're goin' to look at my samples whether you want to or not! I don't care who you are. Now I know where you live! Oh, and look, you have children. You love your children? And what about that cat? You know how good cat tastes over an open flame, like, say, your house burning down? I'm sorry, what did you say? You're going to call the police? Well, I am the police baby and I got two tickets to the gun show with your name on them! Now take a look at my samples or BRING IT ON!!!

That's why I don't work for Mary Kay....that and I never was into make-up anyway.

OK. Time to stir the soup, prep the salad and butter the rolls. Yes, I think Mrs. B has just re-entered the building.